Nobody will convince me that time does not pass more quickly now in my seventies than it did when I was in my twenties or thirties. When I go to bed it seems no time since I went to bed the last time

and when I get up, here I am having to shave, wash and dress again having done it only recently. I can understand why men grow beards and become a teeny weenie bit unhygienic in old age. I have the occasional shower, though too many of them are bad for you. I haven’t had a bath since 1982. I sit down after breakfast to read and in no time at all Hilary is asking me what I’d like for lunch. She has no longer gone shopping than she’s back and I’m called to carry the bags in from the car.

When you’ve been to the pharmacist to collect your monthly supply of pills it is no time until you’re standing in the shop again waiting for him to dispense another month’s supply. There is one exception to the exponential decrease in time between these recurrent events. That is the lodgement into your bank account of the monthly pension instalment. It seems to arrive at the same slow pace as it ever did.

It’s as though time speeds up when we become older, or does it? Then it can’t really because we inhabit the same time parameters as young people for whom time appears to pass more slowly. It’s just another of life’s conundrums, but from the following poem I think you will see that a distinguished American scientist may have solved the mystery.

In California
a former Nobel Prize winning scientist
has proved that time
is passing faster now than ever before.

In a controlled experiment
involving a hundred people over fifty,
he has clearly shown
that weeks and months, and therefore years,
are passing faster now
than at any time previously.

A group of experts,
namely, the inmates of the State Penitentiary,
seriously dispute his findings.
They have recently issued a statement
to say they are in absolutely no doubt
that time passes more slowly now
than when they were free.

The scientist has not yet revealed the method
by which he proved his conclusion,
lest someone in the scientific world
should question his sanity.
He has, however, just issued a press release
to confirm that he himself died early last year.

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